Seriously
by panneler-san
Summary: James Potter wasn't the only one who loved her.


**I do not own Harry Potter. Duh. What else did you expect? Please review! (If you have the time to, that is **** )**

** Panneler-san**

***bows***

Seriously, Mate.

Bitterly, and with great pain, I managed to smile. "That's wonderful, James!" I said happily.

My best friend's face lit up hugely. "Thank you, Moony!" he said enthusiastically. "I had been waiting for this moment for nine years, and it's finally come!"

Nine years?

I had waited longer.

*

"_See ya later, Snivilus!" Sirius called after the greasy-haired boy. He, James, and Peter began conversing about how much they disliked the boy, but I remained quiet, my head filled with thoughts of the girl before. She was very pretty, and I found myself very sincerely wishing for the first time that I wasn't a monster._

"_GRYFFINDOR!" screamed the sorting hat, and I watched as Sirius made room for her next to him. She seemed to recognize him from the train, however, and turned away. It was amazing, the way her dark red hair caught the light when she pushed it back, and the way her green eyes seemed to sparkle. Beautiful, really._

_ I hardly noticed when the Hat declared me a Gryffindor, and I went to sit down. To my surprise, the girl smiled brightly up at me and invited me into the seat next to her._

_ Forgetting the acquaintance I had made on the train, I sat down and smiled back._

_ "I don't think we were properly introduced," she said, "I'm Lily Evans."_

_ She held out her hand, and smiling, I shook it. "Remus Lupin," I said. Her hand's were so warm…_

_ "Hey, Remus!" called James, who had just been sorted. He grabbed my arm and started dragging me out of my seat and over to Sirius Black. "Come sit with us, mate. That Evens girl, by the way," he said in a low voice once we were further down the table, "She's kind of a prat, isn't she? Most likely a Prefect, or Head Girl in the future, don't you think? Still, she's pretty, though."_

_ I nodded, not knowing what else to say. Yes, she was pretty._

_*_

"_Remus!" a familiar voice called, halting my progress down the hall to breakfast. I turned, already knowing who I would find._

_ "Happy Christmas, Lily," I called back, allowing her to catch up to me._

_ "Happy Christmas! And… I have a question," Llly said, "And it may seem slightly… off topic in a way."_

_ "What's up?"_

_ "Why do James Potter and Sirius Black call you 'Moony?'" she asked._

_ I cringed slightly, but didn't let my unease show on my face. It had only been one week since the last full moon, and in that same amount of time, my best friends had learned of what Sirius now called my "Furry little problem". They were true friends. Really._

_ Rather than leaving me alone, they had vowed to tough it out with me. Sirius and James had some sort of a plan they wouldn't tell me about and even Peter was in on it. I didn't know what was brewing in their third-year minds, but I was pretty sure it would never work, no matter what it was._

_ "Dunno," I replied to her._

_ "Oh," she said, looking slightly put down. "Well, I like you better as Remus."_

_ My heart skipped a beat when she said my name out loud. I liked her. I really, really liked her. I had liked her since the very first day. If it hadn't been for my problem, I would have led a normal life. I was a disgusting creature, and for the first time ever, I hated myself._

_ But I held all this back, and put on my best smile – as usual. "Thank you," I said._

_ Lily just smiled._

_*_

"_You…what?" I whispered._

_ At the same time Sirius said, "Good job, mate! I'll be rooting for you!"_

_ "That's all I ask of you, Padfoot," said James._

_ I couldn't think._

_ "Honestly, though," said Sirius, "Who would've guessed that you like Evans? Shocker, eh, Peter?"_

_ Peter nodded vigorously up and down as James beamed. This could not be happening. There was no way that my best friend was… Oh, Merlin._

_ "Awfully quiet, Moony," said James. "Absorbed in your book?"_

_ Absent-mindedly, I nodded, not allowing the emotion to cross my face. I couldn't compete with James. I just couldn't. It would be like tearing off my own arm. I wanted James Potter's friendship more than I wanted to be a normal kid. And to keep our relationship good, I decided then and there never to tell a single soul that I had fallen in love with Lily Evans._

_ My happiness could wait._

_ And it was really hers' that mattered._

_*_

"When will the wedding be, mate?" Sirius asked excitedly.

We were at the home of the late Mrs. Potter, helping James move his things when he told us. Peter, however, was in some sort of a business conflict and had to work overtime in the Ministry. He had been looking rather pale, lately, so they hadn't pushed that he join them.

"Three months," he said.

I said nothing, and smiled once again. As usual.

"So soon?" said Sirius.

"Yeah, we wanted to hurry up and – could you guys hold on a sec? I think Lily's at the door…" James jumped up and raced down the stairs to the front door.

Then Sirius sighed. "Listen, Remus," he murmured, "I need to tell you something. The truth is that for a long time, I've-"

"You too, huh?" I interrupted softly, letting my fake smile fall.

Sirius blinked, looking slightly surprised, then a pained emotion crossed over his face. "How long has it been for you?" he asked.

"Longer than nine years."

"How long?"

"Sirius-"

"Please, Moony, I want to know. You know you can trust me."

"…Twelve." I whispered. "Twelve years. From the very first day."

Both of us seemed to understand that the conversation was over, and perfect timing, too, because at that moment, James came laughing back up the stairs, holding Lily by the hand.

Once inside the room, Lily smiled at all three of us. "Hey, Padfoot," she said, and Sirius nodded back, his own mask on. Then she looked at me. "Hello, Remus."

Oh, good Merlin! Have pity on me!

James Potter wasn't the only one who lover her, and every time I saw her it was like I had fallen in love all over again.

Lily, please. I beg you. Be happy with him.

Or I may never get this stinkin' smile off my face.


End file.
